look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
