im gay
i know
yea but for you.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
