Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize