She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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