wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
