Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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