oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
