i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
