so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
