believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
