I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
