i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
