New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
