I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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