FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
