bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need water and some morals
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
