Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
