So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
