4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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