Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
