I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
