naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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