$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
