Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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