just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
