why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
