I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
