btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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