careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
