If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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