I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
