I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
