Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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