Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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