dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize