remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
