the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
