I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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