well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
