I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
