Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
