cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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