WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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