Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
