I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize