fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
