we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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