It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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