I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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