Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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