peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
