Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize