They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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