Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
