remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
