i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
