pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize