yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
