I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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