I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
