I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
