u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
