He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
