Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
