good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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