He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
