Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
