what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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