Your mouth is God's brothel.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
