People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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