By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
