saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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